You’re reading Variety Pack: The Newsletter! Each week we’ll pop into your inbox to let in on what’s funny around Philly. If you’re not into that, feel free to unsubscribe. If you like what you’re reading, forward this to a friend and peer pressure them into subscribing so you can have all the same inside jokes.

Contra-heads rise up! From the people who brought you The Whole F**king Spider-Man Trilogy comes a one-night-only event, You Got Served: A Live Reading.

Do not walk outta' this place and start to second guess yo' talent. There’s ONE true dance showdown film, and that’s YOU GOT SERVED! That’s right — Theatre Contra is taking the iconic script of this dance movie classic and bringing it to life onstage! Crews will clash, friendships will be tested, and somebody is absolutely getting served - because in this game, respect is earned eight counts at a time. Directed by Mariah Ghant & Tay Sconiers.

Monday, February 9
7:00p
Tattooed Mom

Waymo is here in Philly and it’s just as dumb as we expected it would be. These cars look like if you asked a second-grader to draw a car from the future because only a second-grader would think to draw propellers all over a car. What do they need those for? Are they decoration? Are these things wind-powered? Is it for sensing pedestrians? All possible!

One of our On The Street writers witnessed one of these “vehicles” stop in the middle of the block between Walnut and Locust for no reason at all. At least four cars were held up behind its beveled edges as it just sat there, propellers twirling without a care in the world.

Imagine being late to a very important first-thing-in-the-morning meeting (evil) because of a car that looks like three pats of restaurant butter stacked on top of each other in a dusty blue candy shell coating. Mortifying for all!

To make matters worse: in every Waymo sighting reported to this newsletter, these driverless cars have had real, live human beings in the driver’s seat. So this madness can be stopped at any time! Which can only mean one thing: not only do we crave chaos as a species, but we also create it.

The temptation to stay inside is at an all time high and who could blame you. But if you’re looking for an inexpensive thing to do that will also make you laugh, try this:

Step 1: Secure at least one friend or lover to accompany you to a neighborhood bar of your choice. It is very important you do not do this activity alone because you will be reported to various authorities if you do.

Step 2: Order something (so they don’t kick you out).

Step 3: Look each other in the eyes and laugh without smiling. Just try it.

Hot tip: The more the merrier. Bring as many people as you can gather to this activity. Take note of who is not delighted by this physical challenge and erase them from your contact list forever!

Amen.