You’re reading Variety Pack: The Newsletter! Each week we’ll pop into your inbox to let you in on what’s funny around Philly. If you’re not into that, feel free to unsubscribe. If you like what you’re reading, forward this to a friend and peer pressure them into subscribing so you can have all the same inside jokes.

Here we are on Issue #6 of Variety Pack: The Newsletter, and I suddenly realized I’ve been unconsciously trying to obscure the fact that it is I, Chaz T. Martin, producer of Variety Pack Comedy Festival, who writes this newsletter each week. Shouldn’t someone who produces a wholeass comedy festival be a little bit more eager to be in the spotlight (read: newsletter)??

I think it has something to do with my intense shyness, which surprises most people to learn I suffer from. It’s true! I am very shy!

It’s just that I also happen to have a mom who couldn’t tolerate that feature of her eldest child, so at the wizened age of 7 she made me audition for The Sound of Music at the local community theater. I believe it was her hope that this would be a way for me to get over my fear of being looked at. As a compromise, I made my dad audition as well, which is how I single-handedly launched his acting career (A real live man?? Who can sing?? Never MIND his Boston accent, get that man on the STAGES OF WISCONSIN!!!!).

Though I was not cast in The Sound of Music (my dad was; sucker.), I was eventually cast in other community theater productions, which unfortunately emboldened me to join my high school’s theater program after I realized I was the weak link in our JV volleyball team (they kept me for so long because I am tall). I’m sorry to report that I have used a foreign accent at an Olive Garden because of this…more than once. I’m listening, I’m learning, and I will do better.

One thing led to another and I ended up pursuing a BFA in Drama. Whoops! Post-grad Chaz was very annoyed at high-school-senior Chaz for making this decision, but LOOK AT ME NOW!

The first time I ever wrote a comedy sketch was in college, when I was once again struck with Shyness, terrified that everyone would find out that I didn’t know what was funny. So I pretty much did a word-for-word transcription of a story from my dad (you know him from The Sound of Music) about some guy he worked with at a grocery store who once at an entire lemon (no peel) for a dollar. One dollar. In the 70s. So even in ye olde 70s money that’s not enough to wreck your stomach lining.

It turns out that watching someone eat an entire lemon live on stage is hilarious. So hilarious that my classmates elected me to program the end-of-semester-sketch-show and from there it’s a pretty straight shot to the Humanitarian Award for Most Excellent Sense of Humor that I’m still gunning for.

I started Variety Pack a year-and-change ago because as much as I love to be on stage making people laugh (no interest in making art that makes people cry, though it does happen. Get your tickets for that here.), what I love most in the world is building little hidey holes where people can get away from what ails them (read: everything!). My former boss and current friend, [name redacted because she would hate to be named in this wildly popular newsletter], once said “Art gentles the people’s condition”. I have no idea if she made that up or not, but it made me feel very warm inside, and I think whatever invokes that feeling is worth paying attention to if not outright following.

You get this newsletter each week because you came to Variety Pack, and I hope that while you were there you felt a little warm inside. I’d love to know more about you than just your email address, so if you ever want to say hello, all you have to do is respond to these newsletters and I promise to write back.

Have a great week, pals!

Chaz
(it rhymes with Oz)

If you’re like me, you fell in head-over-kitten-heels love with Leo Mock’s Lady in Lady! Lady! Lady! this January, and you would do anything to see her again. (She has not responded to my fan letters, despite the fact that they are written on perfumed, pink paper.) Great news, Lady-heads: she’s back! For one night only, Lady (and a whole heavenly host of other queer performers) will be at Tattooed Mom for Diapason: a spectrum of queer performance in Philly. That’s Wednesday, March 25th at 8:00p (doors at 7:00p). If you need a little divine intervention in your disappointingly mortal life, get on over there. Click on the flyer for more info!

Em Harnett’s monthly standup showcase is back on March 13 at The People’s Gallery! If you love a low-key hang with funny people in a warm room, come on down. This month features Chaz T. Martin and Get to the Point’s very own Maeve Hennessey!

Watch as Theatre Contra takes on the greatest foes known to man...ICELAND. Join us at Tattooed Mom on March 16th to see if the Mighty Ducks (and Kenan Thompson) can overcome their differences and fly together as they represent Team USA in some wildly unrealistic international hockey competition. $15 in advance guarantees a seat, then it's PWYC at the door NOTALOF.